


I Know You Can Show Me

by localtrashgoblin



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: (but don't tell them it's a date they don't know that yet), 80s Music, 80s movie references, Angst, Emotionally Constipated Boys, Enemies to Friends, Happy Ending, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, School Projects, Slow Burn, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, angst (Mild), concerned children, library dates, sudden and unexpected gay feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localtrashgoblin/pseuds/localtrashgoblin
Summary: Steve goes out to the quarry on a cold spring night with the intention of ending his life. He doesn't expect to find Billy Hargrove of all people standing at the edge of the quarry in the moonlight, looking like an angel that fell to earth.The boys struggle to form a friendship, while each struggling with their own feelings about life and their budding feelings for each other.





	1. On the Edge (Plant Your Feet, Harrington)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work posted here on the archive, so if I missed any tags, please let me know!  
> Constructive criticism welcome!

It was a clear spring night in Hawkins, Indiana and Steve Harrington was going to kill himself.

He’d written two letters, left them on his desk so that they could be found easily enough. The first one, addressed to his parents, was vague and perfunctory at best. He’d made sure to include a few lines about how none of this was their fault, and that they shouldn’t blame themselves for any of it. He figured they’d like to be able to bemoan their noble son while basking in the attention his death would bring them. The second letter was addressed to Dustin. Steve had tried to be age-appropriate, like the mom-friend he was, but he had needed to at least partially tell somebody why he was doing this. Somebody who would understand the nightmares, and the anxiety, and the fear that kept him from the woods at night. Even then, he couldn’t help but end that letter with some humor, telling Dustin that he could have all of Steve’s hair products once he was gone. Steve thinks about the letters while he walks to the quarry.

If he’s being honest with himself, Steve doesn’t feel as guilty about this as he thinks he should. If he’s being really honest with himself, Steve hasn’t felt much of anything for months. After everything with the mind flayer had been dealt with, and the panic had receded, Steve had been left feeling...empty. He’d settled back into his normal routine. He went to school, drove the kids around, struggled through homework, drifted through parties, played basketball. It was easy to do those things. What was harder was the stuff outside of the routine. Trying to ignore the baseball bat full of nails haphazardly shoved to the side of the BMW’s trunk. Waking up from a nightmare about flower-shaped mouths full of angry teeth and remembering that it was over, he’s safe now. Wondering what the point of homework even was, when he had seen for himself that there were much bigger things out there in the world. Seeing Nancy and Jonathan together made it all seem a little more hopeless for Steve. When he had been together with Nancy, it was a little easier to pretend things were normal because he knew he wasn’t the only one pretending. But pretending hadn’t been good enough for Nancy, and so Steve hadn’t been good enough for Nancy. Part of him wishes that he could blame this all on the breakup. He’s sure that’s what the rumor mill at school is going to do. Poor King Steve, his ego so killed by losing Nancy Wheeler to the Byers freak that he had no other option but to fling himself into the quarry. How poetic, even, that he’d chosen to end it all in the same spot where the youngest Byers’ body had been found (or hadn’t been found; much of the town still wasn’t sure what the story was with that whole incident). As the gravel crunches beneath his feet Steve suppresses a shudder, shoving his hands into his coat pockets and trying to ignore the chill that still hangs in the air this late at night despite the nearness of summer. He keeps his head down, which is why he doesn’t see the other person already standing at the edge of the quarry.

A sudden intake of breath makes him snap his head up, and he sees Billy Hargrove. The other boy is standing dangerously close to the edge of the cliff with his arms limp at his sides, a lit cigarette dangling loosely from one hand, his head tilted up towards the stars. Under the midnight sky, with the half moon dimly shining down upon him, Billy almost looks angelic. His blonde curls shine softly, and his broad shoulders look relaxed. Steve has never seen the other boy look like this. The larger than life attitude that Billy carries around with him at school is nowhere to be found here. He looks like...a normal guy. Billy hasn’t noticed Steve yet, and Steve can’t decide if this is a good or a bad thing. As he watches, though, Billy shifts. He rolls his shoulders and takes a long drag off his cigarette before tossing it out into the quarry. Then, with a deep sigh and a straight spine, Billy starts to take a step forward.

For reasons beyond his thinking, Steve opens his mouth.

“Hey!” Steve shouts, lunging forward. Billy, caught off guard, loses his footing as he turns toward Steve. Time seems to stand still, Steve running towards Billy as the blonde starts to fall. He manages to grab onto Billy’s arm with both hands, grunting as the other boy’s full weight causes him to crash down to his knees on the hard dirt. Billy is hanging halfway over the quarry, one arm in Steve’s grasp and the other clutching desperately at the ground. His legs kick uselessly.

“Fuck, Harrington!” He hisses. “Shit, help me up, oh fuck. Shit, shit, shit!”

Steve can only grunt as he works his feet underneath his own body, trying to get enough leverage to effectively haul Billy up. He manages to plant his feet in the dirt, pulling on Billy’s arm with all his might. The two boys work to get Billy back on the right side of the edge, Billy shoving against the ground with his free arm and swinging one leg up. As soon as Billy is no longer in danger of falling to his death, Steve releases his arm they both flop onto their backs in the dirt, panting.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Steve scolds, still out of breath. “What are you even doing out here so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Harrington.” Billy pants out, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “You scared the shit out of me!”

“You were gonna fall!” Steve replied, sitting up as well.

“I almost did, thanks to you!”

“I’m not the one standing on the edge of the quarry at midnight!”

“Aren’t you?” Billy asked, peering at Steve in the darkness. “Where’s your car, Harrington?”

“I…what the hell happened to your face?” Now that he was looking, Steve could see that Billy’s face looked like it had lost a fight with a brick wall. His lip was split, one of his eyes was swollen nearly shut, and he had a cut over one eyebrow.

“I asked you first, _King Steve_.” Billy said, suddenly looking shifty and uncomfortable.

“I left my car at my house,” Steve snapped, bristling at the nick-name. “So my parents wouldn’t have to have it towed back.” Billy’s eyebrows furrowed and Steve kicked himself for letting himself get riled up that he’d said too much.

“Why are you out here, Harrington?” Billy asked, his voice slow and quiet, like he had his suspicions already as to why Steve Harrington of all people was at the quarry at midnight on a Sunday night. Steve shifted uncomfortably, picking at the edge of one of his shoes, avoiding eye contact. Billy huffed and stood up, startling Steve as he stomped over to his car. Steve noticed that Billy’d parked the Camaro off to the side, so that it would be hidden from the road, which is why Steve hadn’t seen it before. Billy opened the passenger side door, and reached into the back seat. The yellow interior light of the car glistened off of the blood on Billy’s face, still smeared across his forehead and down his chin. Before Steve could get a good enough look to tell whether or not the cuts were still bleeding, Billy slammed the door shut again and trudged back over to where Steve still sat. He had a six-pack of beer, already missing two cans, swinging from his hand. As he sat back down on the ground next to Steve, he pulled a can off the ring and handed it to Steve.

“I owe you, or whatever.” Billy grunted. “For saving my life and stuff.” He studiously avoided eye contact as he said it, choosing instead to look out over the quarry as he opened and sipped at his own beer. Steve rolled the can between his palms, not opening it yet, just feeling the cool metal against his hands as he thought. Of all the people in the whole of Hawkins, the one he ran into tonight was Billy Hargrove. Why did Billy care what Steve was doing out here? What had Billy been doing out here? Who did that to his face? Why did Steve care?

“Who did you lose a fight to?” Steve asked. He watched Billy gingerly press his beer can to the swollen part of his face near his eye. All of the tension had come back to Billy’s shoulders, and Steve wondered what the other boy had been thinking about earlier that had made that tension go away.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Billy answered. “You still haven’t told me what you’re doing out here.”

“Well, I would, if you would tell me what you were doing standing at the edge of the cliff.” Steve snarked. He wasn’t sure why he was antagonizing Billy, when he knew first-hand how volatile the other boy could be--Steve’s nose was forever going to be a little crooked, thanks to Billy’s fist. He just couldn’t stop himself from asking. Instead of punching him though, Billy leveled Steve with a long, unreadable stare before he chugged the rest of his beer and opened another one.

“Alright, Harrington.” he said. “Let’s make a game out of this. A truth for a truth. I’ll ask you a question, you answer it, and then you ask me a question and I’ll answer it. Sound fair?”

“Sure.” Steve agreed. “Does that count as your first question?”

“Shut up.” Billy grunted. “And no it doesn’t. I still get to go first.” He paused to think, flexing his hand against the can of beer, making it crinkle with a sound that seemed too loud in the sudden hush of the night.

“Alright,” he said, levelling Steve with another unreadable look. “Why didn’t you call the cops on me, that night at the Byers’ house, when I beat the shit out of you?” Steve was taken aback.

“I...honestly, the thought never even occurred to me.” he answered. There had been so much going on that night, pressing charges had been the last thing on his mind. When you’re facing up against an all-consuming evil from another dimension, aggravated assault by another teenager doesn’t really make it onto the list of top priorities. Billy hummed, still looking at Steve with those blue blue eyes. Had Billy’s eyes always been that blue? The thought startled Steve.

“Now you ask me a question.” Billy said. Steve didn’t know how to proceed, exactly. Billy had said he wanted to make a game of it, but Steve had honestly expected him to just cut to the chase. Now that it was his turn to ask a question, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. Wasn’t sure what the rules were to this game Billy was playing.

“What were you thinking about tonight, when you were standing at the edge of the quarry?” Steve couldn’t think of another time when he’d seen Billy without his alpha-male persona, just soft lines and quiet breathing in the moonlight. The question seemed to catch Billy off-guard. Steve felt a small rush of satisfaction at managing to level the playing field.

“I was…” Billy started. He looked out over the quarry again. “I was thinking about my mom.” His fingers drifted up to the necklace he always wore, hanging out of his shirt which--unusually, for Billy--only had the top three buttons undone.

“Oh.” Steve said. “Is she still in California?” Billy gave him a sharp look, but instead of saying whatever scathing thing looked to be on the tip of his tongue, he snorted.

“It’s my turn to ask a question, dumbass.” he said. Steve scoffed, but waved his hand for Billy to go on and ask his question.

“Why are you here, Steve?” Billy asked. He seemed to be done playing, tense and angry and not drunk enough for any of this shit. Steve looked down at the beer can in his hands. He let out a gusty sigh and set it to the side.

“I’m out here because I…” He hesitated. He hadn’t told anybody his plans for tonight. He hadn’t said it out loud before. To anyone. And now he was going to tell Billy Hargrove? A breeze drifted up from the water below, cold and fragrant, and rustled through the trees. The sound made Steve’s shoulders tense up.

“You were gonna jump.” Billy said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah.” Steve sighed. “Yeah, I was.”

The silence that fell over the two boys was uncomfortable. Steve pushed himself up to his feet. He walked up to the edge of the quarry and looked out over the edge. It was so dark that he couldn’t really tell how far down the water was. It seemed that the moon, as dim as it was, couldn’t reach the bottom. He jammed his hands back into his pockets. He thought very hard about how it would feel to just take that final step over the edge. Would it hurt? He might hit his head on a rock on the way down, get knocked unconscious. This was the easiest way he could do it, though. If he stole his mom’s pills and overdosed, she would blame herself. If he used a gun, his parents would have to clean up the mess. This was the easiest way for everyone involved.

“Harrington…” Billy’s voice came from right behind Steve’s ear, followed by two strong hands on his upper arms, holding him back.

“It’s my turn to ask a question, right?” Steve asked, not turning around. “Why do you care that I’m out here? You beat the shit out of me, then you avoid me for two months, and now you act like you’re so concerned for me. What does it matter to you?” He felt Billy’s hands flex on his arms. Billy lets out an aggravated sigh. Then he wraps his arms around Steve from behind, pulling the brunette back into a tight hug.

“I care because...” Billy said. “Because I get it, okay? I _get_ it, Harrington.”

“Billy…”

“No just listen for a second, asshole. I get it. This seems like the best option, right? And maybe it is, I don’t know.” Billy steps back and Steve turns around. Billy is tense all over, his eyebrows drawn together despite how much it must hurt his face, his jaw clenched. His hands are still stretched towards Steve like he’s ready to grab the other boy in a second’s notice.

“It’s your turn to ask a question.” Steve whispers as he takes a step towards Billy, away from the edge.

“If I leave you alone, are you going to jump?” Billy asks, looking right at Steve with those blue blue eyes.

“I don’t know. Were you going to jump before I got here?”

“I don’t know.”

That uncomfortable silence was back, both boys unsure of their next steps. Steve felt the strange urge to reach out and touch Billy’s face, where the skin had been torn and bruised. Billy looked like he couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to punch Steve again.

“Can I drive you home?” Billy asked, after a minute of staring Steve down. Steve didn’t know how to react to that. He’d come out here with a plan, and now he was left out of sorts. He glanced over Billy’s shoulder at the woods past the quarry and shivered. He hadn’t thought that he would need to find his way back home, and those trees held shadows that he didn’t want to think about this late at night. He looked back at Billy, with his beat up face and his blue blue eyes that seemed both wide open and closed off, and made a choice.

“Sure.”


	2. Back to the Grind (Pretend You're Fine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go back to school and therefore back to business as usual. Then they are assigned a school project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! This chapter took me a long time to get done, mostly because I got caught up trying to figure out what kind of school project to assign them, haha.

They didn’t talk the whole drive to Steve’s house. 

Billy had ushered Steve into the passenger seat of the Camaro, tossing the last of the beer into the back before settling behind the wheel. He’d turned the radio on quiet enough that they could talk over it if they needed, but loud enough that they could use it as an excuse not to say anything. As some heavy metal band Steve didn’t recognize came wafting out of the speakers and the engine roared around them, he found himself having to almost force himself not to just stare at Billy. Occasionally, he could feel Billy’s attention on him. Steve wasn’t really sure what to make of it. He felt like they had shared something...intimate? He didn’t really think there was a word that could accurately describe the weight of the evening. The solid heat of Billy against his back and the cold emptiness of the quarry at his front. He shivered a little, thinking of the other boy’s arms around him. Billy must have seen his shiver and mistaken it for a chill, because he cranked the car’s heater up with a glance toward Steve.  
Whatever this night had ended up being, it was not what Steve had planned. He’d gone out to the quarry, walked the whole way, because he’d had every intention of stepping out over that ledge. He’d been fully ready for his whole life to be over and now...now it wasn’t. Because of a boy who’d come into his life like a hurricane and who’d beaten the shit out of Steve for reasons that Steve was still not a hundred percent clear on. He still didn’t really know what Billy’s deal was. Why he’d been out at the quarry. Why he had insisted on antagonizing Steve almost from the first moment he’d shown up in Hawkins. Billy’d said he understood what Steve was going through. But did he? Had he been at the quarry for the same reason Steve had?   
His thoughts kept circling back to that, as Billy pulled up in front of the Harrington residence.  
Neither boy said a word.   
Billy gave Steve another one of those long, searching looks.   
Steve gave him a quick nod and got out of the car. Hopefully, he’d be able to sleep off the weird feeling that had settled in his guts before he had to get up and go to school in the morning.

The weird feeling was still there the next morning.  
However, Steve didn’t see Billy at school. Granted, the only class Steve and Billy shared was in the afternoon, but after last night Steve’s Billy-senses were on high alert. He walked through the halls with his head on a swivel, eyes peeled for a leather jacket and blonde curls. It wasn’t until lunch that Steve finally spotted him, sauntering through the cafeteria like he didn’t have a care in the world, despite the mess of his face. Steve wondered if Billy had a weird feeling in his guts too. As he thought about the night before, remembering for the millionth time the sight of sad blue eyes and moonlit curls, he was startled by Nancy setting her lunch down at the table. She frowned a little at his antsy behavior, and peered straight at him for thirty seconds too long to be comfortable, that look on her face that meant she was searching for secrets.   
It was Jonathan who broke the silence, his eyes flicking between Nancy and Steve.  
“See Nance?” he said. “He’s fine.”  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Steve asked, worried that they might somehow know something about last night.  
Nancy scoffed. “Because you’re a magnet for trouble” she said.  
“Yeah, uh, that doesn’t clarify anything.” Steve responded.  
“Everybody is talking about how Billy Hargrove’s face got beat in.” Jonathan said. “He apparently refuses to say who he got in a fight with, so Nancy was worried that you had gone looking for a rematch.”   
“Oh.” Steve wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It’s not like he was expecting Billy to go telling everybody at school about last night, but Steve had kind of figured Billy would at least brag about getting into a fight. That’s what he’d done after beating the shit out of Steve at the Byers’ place, anyway. He’d made sure that the whole school knew that Billy Hargrove had bested “King Steve” (while studiously ignoring the part where he got knocked to his ass and threatened by a small girl).  
“Anyway,” Nancy interrupted Steve’s thoughts. “How was your weekend?”   
They spent the rest of lunch period on small talk, Steve managing to avoid most of Nancy’s prying and suffering through the doe eyes that Jonathan almost constantly sent her way .

In class, Steve’s seat was across the room diagonally from Billy’s. Steve sat in the back of the room, against the wall closest to the hall, whereas Billy sat in the front by the windows. At the beginning of the semester Steve had thought it was some kind of power move, but then he’d realized that Billy was actually strategically placing himself as close to the room’s heater vent as possible. It seemed that the California boy couldn’t handle the Indiana winter.   
While the teacher droned on, Steve stared at the other boy’s face. Billy’s face clearly looked like it had been put through the ringer. The swelling from the night before was gone, but there were deep purple and blue bruises around Billy’s jaw and brow. He definitely had a black eye. The cut on his eyebrow had scabbed over, but his split lip still looked bright and wet like Billy just couldn’t stop messing with it. Which, knowing how mobile the blonde’s tongue tended to be, didn’t surprise Steve all that much. What did surprise him was the twist in his gut that came from thinking about Billy Hargrove’s tongue, and that he was thinking about the other boy’s tongue in the first place. Shaking his head, Steve managed to tune back into the teacher’s speech at exactly the right time.  
“As we get to the end of our unit on early American authors,” Mrs. Rainier said. “Our final project will be a paper and a presentation.” the whole class groaned, making her narrow her eyes. “It will be a partner-based project, and before you get too excited, I have assigned your partners to you alphabetically by last name.” Glancing around the room, Steve tried to think about who that would mean his partner was. Tommy H wasn’t in this class, so he was out, and Steve couldn’t think of anybody else with an H last name.   
Wait.   
Oh no.   
Steve snapped his head up to look over at Billy. The other boy was shooting him a smirk, probably amused by how long it had taken Steve to figure it out.  
“I have also assigned each pair an author to focus on.” Said Mrs. Rainier. “You and your partner will be picking one work by your assigned author to read, analyze, and present to the class. I want you to be focusing on themes, motifs, and any similarities that you can draw between your chosen work and the works we have read as a class during this unit.” She then proceeded to read through the list of paired students and their assigned authors. When she called out Steve and Billy’s names, whispers broke out among the class. Steve winced.   
“You two will be choosing from the works of Edgar Allan Poe.” Said Mrs. Rainier. “Understood?” Steve nodded. Billy leered. As Mrs. Rainier finished reading through the list of pairs, Steve heaved an internal sigh. Of course. Of course this would happen to him. Would Billy make fun of him for last night? Would they talk about it at all? Either way, he was doomed to spend more time with the other boy than he ever thought he would be.  
Before Steve could do anything but worry, the bell rang and Billy was on his feet and out the door on his way to his next class. Steve didn’t see Billy again until basketball practice.

For reasons he refused to share, Billy had refused to take off his shirt so Steve ended up playing skins for a change. Despite his newfound modesty, Billy played as aggressively as always, constantly finding reasons to be right on top of Steve and knock him over whenever the opportunity presented itself. The whole thing gave Steve emotional whiplash, trying to reconcile the quiet intensity of the Billy he talked to last night with the loud asshole he was used to dealing with.  
After practice, as Steve shoved his gym clothes back into his locker, Billy came sidling up next to him and leaned against the lockers next to Steve’s.  
“So, pretty boy,” Billy said, casual as could be. “I guess we’re partners for that english project, huh.”  
“Yeah, I guess so.” Steve replied.  
“Want to get together and start working on it this weekend?” Billy asked.   
Steve looked at Billy, trying not to let his eyes linger too long on any of the bruises that stained the other boy’s skin.  
“If you’re not too busy partying it up.” he said.   
Billy laughed mockingly. “Oh, I’m sure I can make time for you, Stevie.” He straightened up from his slouch, banged a fist against the row of lockers, and sauntered out of the locker room. As he crossed through the door, he threw a sideways smile at Steve over his shoulder.   
“See you around, Harrington.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with it! This chapter was a little shorter than the last one, but it's mostly amping up for the rest of the story.
> 
> I would love any feedback, and am looking for a beta if anybody is interested!
> 
> If you want to talk to me about this story, or just harringrove in general, find me on tumblr @goblin-after-dark


	3. Baby Steps (The Beginning of a New Routine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy and Steve meet up to work on their class assignment. The Party voice some concerns. Steve thinks a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late being posted!   
> My dad came up to visit me this last weekend and so I had to put in more time at work to prepare for the time off. 
> 
> I will hopefully be back to posting a chapter a week, with maybe a bonus chapter this weekend if I can get around to it!

The rest of the week was business as usual. Steve went to classes, drove the kids around, did homework. Watched Billy Hargrove. The other boy seemed to be watching Steve right back, which was the weird part. After his last few encounters with Billy, Steve was having a hard time figuring out how he felt about the other boy. When Billy first moved to Hawkins, he’d seemed so hell-bent on establishing a reputation for himself as the new resident bad boy. He just seemed so angry all the time, starting fights and yelling at parties. And he made sure to flirt with every girl within a half-mile radius. Steve had been more or less perplexed by Billy’s insistence on taking over Steve’s old social position, but with all of the other bullshit (thank you Nancy, for such an appropriate word) that had been going on, Steve really hadn’t had much time to think about Billy Hargrove more deeply. Of course, then Billy had kicked his ass at the Byers’ house. The fight had started out as Steve trying to protect the kids that had been placed in his charge, but he could admit now that it had been at least partially a way of releasing all of his pent-up anger and stress over Nancy and the demodogs and everything else in his life that was causing him grief. Once his face had stopped hurting, Steve had felt like he had gotten at least a little bit of catharsis. After the fight, Billy had avoided being alone around Steve. He still played aggressive toward Steve, both on and off the basketball court, but it seemed to be more to save face than anything. Especially since the only time Billy would interact with Steve was when other people were around to see. After their talk at the quarry, Steve wonders if this was because Billy was afraid Steve would try to get him arrested.

As the week dragged on, Steve couldn’t decide if he was anxious or relieved that he would be spending more time with the other boy.

Wednesday night, as he picked up Dustin from the arcade, Max had informed Steve that Billy would be coming over Saturday afternoon to work on their project. She had leveled Steve with such a calculating look that Steve was convinced she had been taking lessons from El. Understandably, the kids were concerned about Steve being alone with Billy Hargrove. Friday night, at their weekly DnD session--which Steve only attended because he was a sucker and had nothing better to do since he’d stopped having anything resembling his old social life--the Party had made their discomfort known.  
“Are you sure you can trust him?” Mike asked. “He almost killed you, Steve.”  
“He’s a jerk!” Lucas added. Max only nodded, while El stared at Steve in that unnerving way that she had from her seat next to Mike.  
“There’s no way he’s not gonna try to do something!” Dustin shouted. “Let us come over too! We can be there and stand up for you if you get into trouble!” The other kids murmured in agreement, talking over each other as they tried to warn Steve about all the terrible hypothetical things Billy could do to him.  
“Hey, Dickheads!” Steve snapped. “I’m a big kid, I can handle myself. And anyway, I don’t think that he’s going to try to kill me again.”  
“Cause Max threatened him that one time?” Dustin asked dubiously.  
“Sure. Yeah.” Steve said. That was the easier answer, anyway.   
This seemed to appease the little monsters. The Party had then forced Steve to take a walkie-talkie and swear to radio them if any trouble started. Which, yeah, feeling like he had some sort of an out did make Steve feel a little better. But there was no way in hell he was going to admit that to anyone, least of all a group of irritatingly concerned thirteen-year-olds.

Steve spent Saturday morning stressing himself out. He had told his parents that he was going to have a ‘friend’ over to do some homework, but they had already made plans and would be gone most of the day and into the night anyway. So Steve had been alone with his thoughts. He couldn’t decide where the best place would be to study. He hadn’t cleaned his room in ages, so that was a no, plus that seemed too intimate for some reason. His bed was in there. And his underwear. The living room only had seating and a low table, so that wouldn’t be great. He supposed the dining room was the best place. He had just run upstairs to grab his backpack when the doorbell rang.   
As Steve snatched up his bag from his desk, he sent an avalanche of papers tumbling over the desk and all over the floor. Swearing, Steve just kicked the papers as close to under the desk as they would get before bounding down the stairs and toward the front door. When he opened it, he found Billy casually leaning against the door frame.  
“Hey there Harrington.” Billy said. “Nice place you got here. Gonna let me in?”  
Steve just nodded and opened the door wider, letting the other boy through and motioning toward the dining room. It was a warm day, so Billy was wearing his denim jacket and his shirt was hanging half open. His boots made a solid sound as he walked over the hardwood floors. He had his backpack hanging off of one shoulder and as he entered the dining room, he swung it up onto the table.  
“So, what story do you want to focus on for this project?” Billy asked, pulling out a notebook and a pencil.  
“Oh, uh.” Steve realized that in all his preparation for this day, he hadn’t actually done any kind of studying. “Whatever one you want to do?” he tried. Billy stopped and looked up at Steve sharply.  
“Did you do any kind of reading for this project?” Billy asked.  
“No?” Steve said.  
Billy sighed. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people that doesn’t do any part of the group project, Harrington.”   
“I’m not! I just...forgot to do it this week.”   
“Do you even have any books by Edgar Allan Poe?”  
“No?”  
“Jesus.” Billy sighed. “Alright, let’s go.” He started moving toward the front door again.  
“Wait, what?” Steve was confused.  
“We’re going to the library, idiot.” Billy said. “I’ll drive.”   
Steve had no argument to provide.

Steve rarely ever set foot in the Hawkins Public Library. Not because he hated books or anything, but because he just never had needed to. If he wanted a book, he could usually get his parents to buy it for him at one of the nice bookstores they visited on their business trips. Plus, after hearing from Joyce Byers one night about finding Will in the Upside Down’s version of the library, the place kind of gave Steve the heebie jeebies. As Billy drove them to the library, Steve wondered how much of these thoughts he could comfortably share with the other boy. Probably none of them.   
Today Billy had the radio on loud, pumping out Metalica as he navigated the Camaro through the streets of Hawkins, barely paying attention to the speed limit signs they whipped past. After parking in the library parking lot, Billy strolled right into the building with all of his usual swagger. Steve was a bit taken aback at how easily Billy seemed to be able to navigate the library’s shelves. He seemed to know where everything was and how to get to the right places the quickest, moving with the ease of a seasoned pro. Steve knew that Billy got good grades in school but he couldn’t picture the boy actually studying, especially at the public library. Steve tucked this new knowledge of Billy away in a corner of his mind, right next to that same image of Billy at the quarry last Sunday night.  
As Billy pulled books off of the shelves, he handed them over to Steve, who took them without complaint.  
“Poe wrote a ton of short stories and stuff, so we can probably get away with picking two or three of those instead of anything longer.” Billy was saying. “I don’t really want to deal with any of his poetry, just because I think Rainier would expect us to actually analyze it and I’m not really in the mood for that.” He grabbed one last book off the shelf and nodded back toward one of the tables against the wall. Steve followed obediently, putting his stack of books down on the table. Billy settled into a seat and pulled half of the books toward himself.  
“You go through those and see if you find any that sound interesting,” he said. “I’ll go through these ones and see what I can find.”  
They spent the next hour and a half in silence. Steve really didn’t know what he was looking for, so he just sort of aimlessly flipped through page after page of bleak writing. Every so often, he would sneak a glance up at Billy across the table. The bruises on his face had been healing steadily, the angry purple slowly morphing into varying degrees of yellow and green. The cut on his lip had finally started to close up, though a small red line persited. The sunlight coming in through the window behind Billy lit up his hair like a halo. A small furrow had appeared between his eyebrows as he read. Steve was suddenly reminded of watching Nancy study. Of how fond he had become of a similar furrow between her brows. Billy glanced up and made eye contact with Steve. Steve snapped his eyes back to the book he was pretending to read, bending his head forward a little so that his hair fell down to block Billy from view.  
“Steve,” Billy said. “Are you even reading those books?”  
“What? Yeah, of course.”  
“Well then, which stories have you picked?”   
“I...this one.” Steve shoved the book across the table toward Billy, snatching his hands back and drumming his fingers on the edge of the table. Billy looked skeptical, but turned his attention to the page.  
“Murders in the Rue Morgue?” Billy read. “I feel like I’ve heard of this one.” He flipped through the story, skimming over the lines. “Sounds good. I’ve got another one in this book that we can use to compare. Nice work, Harrington.” Billy started to gather up the books on the table, separating out the two they had chosen to use and pushing them towards Steve. As he stood, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and dug in his pocket for his wallet. He pulled out his library card and winked at Steve.  
“Let’s check these babes out,” he said.   
“You’re terrible.” Steve laughed. He hung back awkwardly as Billy checked out the books, flirting obnoxiously with the librarian as he did. With the books safely in Billy’s backpack, the boys piled back into the Camaro and Billy drove them back to Steve’s house.  
“So I’ll read through the stories this weekend,” Billy said, as he pulled into the driveway. “Then you can read them over this next week and we can compare notes and go from there next weekend.” Steve just nodded. Then he noticed that Billy hadn’t turned off the engine yet. Was Billy not coming in? Were they done studying? Steve didn’t want Billy to leave yet. Did he?  
“Do you wanna hang out?” Steve asked. “My parents are gonna be out until late. We could order pizza and watch tv or something. I have cable.” Billy hesitated. He absent-mindedly fidgeted with his necklace for a moment, looking like he was having some kind of internal debate, before seeming to come to a decision.  
“Alright, sure.” He said, cutting the engine.

Billy, as it turns out, had interesting taste in television and pizza toppings. After arguing for ten minutes about whether they would watch Knight Rider or The Love Boat and eventually settling on MTV, Billy and Steve had argued for another twenty minutes about what to order for dinner. Steve was adamant on something classic, like pepperoni. Billy wanted too many vegetables.  
“Spinach? On pizza?” Steve groused. “You’re insane.”  
“I can’t help it if you have small-town pizza tastes, Harrington.” Billy snarked back. “I’m cultured.”  
“You’re pretentious.”  
“You’re being childish.”  
The ended up compromising and getting mushrooms and olives along with Steve’s pepperoni. Billy had pouted the entire time Steve called in the order, and then nailed Steve in the face with a throw pillow for calling him a baby. Once the pizza arrived, they switched to HBO and watched This is Spinal Tap, Billy laughing whenever he had to explain some music-related joke to Steve. Steve had to admit, it was nice. Not just having somebody over thirteen at his house for the first time in a year, but just being around Billy. The blonde had a ridiculous sense of humor, and a great laugh. Steve found himself realising that he hadn’t really heard Billy laugh before. As they ate pizza and watched tv, they also talked a bit. Not about anything important, but about normal high school things. Which of their classmates were cheating on each other. How terrible the food at the cafeteria was. Which teachers were assholes and which ones would let you get away with shit. By the time Billy was standing to leave, they had been hanging out for hours. Not fighting, not posturing, just...hanging out. Steve found himself wanting to do it again, more often.  
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Steve asked as he walked Billy to the door.  
“Just homework.” Billy shrugged. “I have to drive Maxine to the arcade in the afternoon.”  
“I’m driving Dustin over there too.” Steve said.  
“So I’ll see you there.” Billy smiled a little. He turned to walk to his car.  
“Would you--” Steve started, pausing when Billy turned to face him. “Would you want to maybe hang out, or something? While the kids are at the arcade? So that you don’t have to drive all the way home and back when you have to pick up Max again.” Billy was giving him another one of those hard to read looks, and Steve was starting to wonder if El had just been teaching a class at the community center or something.  
“Sure.” Billy finally said. “Let’s do something.”

As he watched the Camaro tear off into the distance, Steve remembered the walkie-talkie that the Party had given him. It was sitting, untouched, on his bedside table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this one super closely, as I wanted to get it posted sooner rather than later. Let me know if there are any mistakes!
> 
> I am still looking for a beta so if you're interested, hit me up!
> 
> Come yell about these boys with me on tumblr (goblin-after-dark)


	4. The Joys of Being a Dumb Teenager

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Billy and Steve hang out while the kids are at the arcade. Billy criticizes Steve's taste in music. Steve maybe might be starting to have ~feelings~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said last chapter that I might do a bonus chapter. Instead you get this monster chapter, a day earlier than I would have normally posted it, lol.  
> These boys just inspire me.

When Steve woke up the next morning, he felt good. Probably for the first time in a long while. He hadn’t had any trouble getting to sleep that night, and no nightmares had come along to wake him up. This good mood followed him through the morning as he got dressed and attempted to finish math homework. Occasionally, he would notice that he had been zoning out, his thoughts turned from school to Billy. Steve had honestly forgotten what it was like to hang out with normal high schoolers. The whole time Billy had been over, neither of them had anything more important than pizza toppings or homework assignments on their minds. 

Though he hated to admit it, Steve had noticed that hanging around with Nancy had started to always have a sort of low-level anxiety undercutting their conversations. She was concerned with doing big things, like going to college and saving the world. Steve didn’t even know if he wanted to go to college at all, but it was what Nancy had wanted of him, so he’d applied anywhere he could think of and written all the shitty essays he could stand. All for her. And in the end it hadn’t mattered anyway. It was all bullshit. 

Steve couldn’t really fault Jonathan for ending up with Nancy. Sure, he’d been mad as hell for a little while, but he understood. They fit better. There was no way for Jonathan to move past the Upside Down, what with everything he and his family had gone through, and so he could help Nancy act upon her world-saving tendencies where Steve couldn’t. 

All of this tended to weigh heavy on Steve’s mind whenever he hung out with Nancy and Jonathan. Their conversations always seemed to circle back to the horrifying things they had all experienced, and wondering how they were supposed to move forward knowing what they now knew. Steve didn’t want to go back to those thoughts. He worked hard to pretend that all that shit hadn’t happened. And anyway, Steve had ended up with a wild pack of thirteen-year-olds to watch over, which took up a large part of his mind. He just wanted to forget everything, go back to being a normal dumb teenager. And hanging out with Billy Hargrove, of all people, had helped him do this. 

 

Steve picked Dustin up at his house around one in the afternoon, smiling kindly at Mrs. Henderson as she waved goodbye to her son. As soon as they had pulled away from the house, Dustin rounded on steve with that suspicious squint that he saved for particularly challenging dungeon traps.

“You’re still alive, I see.” he said.

“Mm-hmm.” Steve hummed, keeping his eyes on the road.

“You didn’t use the walkie-talkie,” Dustin continued. “So we assumed that either you weren’t killed by Billy Hargrove or you left it in your room and he killed you before you could get to it.”

“Well, I did leave it in my room, so you’re right there.” Steve said, throwing a sheepish grin over at Dustin.

“What the hell, Steve!” Dustin shouted.   
“I didn’t need it!” Steve replied. “And no yelling in the car!”

“What if Billy had tried to hurt you?” Dustin yelled. “You would have had no way to call for help!”

“He didn’t try to hurt me. And I can handle myself, I said that already!”

“Steve,” Dustin said, finally lowering his voice. “the last time you two went at it, that asshole beat the shit out of you.”

“I know that.” Steve snapped, his voice ringing a little in the small front seat. “Everybody keeps reminding me, like there’s some way that I could have forgot. But I know, Dustin. It was my damn face!” Dustin looked cowed.

“We just worry about you, Steve.” the younger boy said. He crossed his arms and looked out the window. Steve sighed, feeling a little bad. He reached over and ruffled Dustin’s curls, chuckling as the kid swatted at his hand.

“Thank you,” Steve said. “For worrying. I forget that I have you all looking out for me, and how much I need you guys sometimes.” Dustin gave him a big grin and started to say something, but Steve cut him off. “ _ Sometimes _ .”

The rest of the drive to the arcade was spent with Dustin excitedly telling Steve all about the plans he and the others had for next Friday’s campaign night. As Steve pulled into the parking lot, he spotted Billy already parked. The blonde was leaning against the hood of the Camaro, smoking a cigarette as he kept an eye on Max and Lucas waiting for the other Party members by the door of the arcade. Steve pulled his BMW into the spot next to Billy, shooting Dustin a look that said ‘keep quiet, or else’ as he cut the engine and got out. Dustin eyed Billy dubiously for a moment before bounding across the parking lot to stand with his friends. Steve walked over to stand awkwardly next to Billy, who had yet to acknowledge Steve. 

“Hey.” Steve said lamely. Billy just nodded at him.

“Can I, uh, can I bum a smoke from you?” Steve asked. Billy just raised an eyebrow at him before pulling his nearly empty pack out of the pocket of his denim jacket. He tossed the pack at Steve and then scooted over a step, freeing up a space on the hood of the car for the other boy to lean against.

“Didn’t really peg you as a smoker, Harrington.” Billy said, voice quiet, as Steve pulled a cigarette out of the pack.

“Just haven’t gotten around to buying a new pack in a while.” Steve mumbled around the cigarette, lighting it with the little bic lighter that had been shoved into the pack. As he handed the pack back to Billy, he took the opportunity to look at the other boy’s face. Billy looked tired, like he hadn’t slept all night. He had dark circles under his eyes, which looked red and sleepy. There weren’t any new bruises on his face, though the old ones still looked tender.

“Are you ok?” Steve asked. Billy tensed up, glancing at the kids before turning his gaze down to his boots.

“I’m fine, Harrington,” He grunted. “Just didn’t sleep too good last night.” He paused for a second. “Got in some shit with my old man for coming home late.” 

A strange look passed over Billy’s face then, almost like he was surprised to be sharing this piece of information with Steve.

“Oh,” Steve said. “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble last night.” 

“It’s cool,” Billy shrugged, finally looking up at Steve with a little smile. “It was worth it.” 

Before Steve could decide what do do with that information, and the butterflies it caused in his stomach, Jonathan’s old car pulled noisily into the Arcade’s parking lot. He had Nancy in the front seat with him, Will and Mike and El in the back. As they pulled up to the curb in front of the building and the kids piled out of the car, Nancy spotted Steve. She murmured something to Jonathan, who looked over and gave a small wave. Steve tensed up, giving a wave back but not moving from his spot leaned up against the Camaro next to Billy. As soon as he’d made sure all of the kids were safely inside the arcade, Jonathan pulled the car away from the curb and stopped in front of Billy and Steve, putting the car in park but not cutting the engine.

“Hey Steve.” Nancy called, leaning over Jonathan to speak out the window. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing.” Steve replied, suddenly very aware of Billy standing next to him, tense and silent. “What are you guys up to?”

Nancy looked like she wanted to say something, but Jonathan spoke first.

“We’re going on a date to the movies.” he said.

“You could come if you want.” Nancy said, eyeing Billy suspiciously. Steve held back a laugh at the slightly pained expression that flashed across Jonathan’s face.

“No thanks,” Steve said, smiling at Nancy in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “You guys go and have fun.”

“Are you sure?” Nancy asked.

“He said it’s _cool_ Nance.” Jonathan said.

“Ok.” She had that look in her eyes that meant she wasn’t ready to let this conversation go. “See you later, Steve.” 

Jonathan gave another little wave before putting the car into gear and driving away. As soon as the car was out of sight, Steve let out a breath and relaxed again. Billy was still tense next to him.

“What’s the matter, Harrington?” he growled out. “Don’t like your friends seeing you hanging out with me?”

“What?” Steve asked.

“You seemed pretty tense all of a sudden when they showed up, is all.” Billy said, scowling.

“It’s not that at all,” Steve said. “I just…it’s still weird to see them together sometimes. And Nancy always wants to pry into everybody’s business because that’s how she shows that she cares, you know?” He shrugged, finishing his cigarette and tossing it to the ground, smushing it into the pavement with his shoe. 

Billy hummed, but said nothing.

“So what do you want to do?” Steve asked. “We have a couple hours before the kids need to be picked up.”

“What did you have in mind?” Billy still seemed upset.

“Actually,” Steve said. “I was gonna suggest a movie, but I really don’t want to deal with Jonathan and Nancy on a date, so that’s out now.” He made a face, silently celebrating when it caused Billy to let out a little snort.

“There really ain’t shit to do in this tiny town, so I don’t know what else we can do.” Billy said, sighing and pulling another cigarette out of his crumpled up pack.

 

They took Billy’s car, the blonde saying that it was because Steve drove too slow for his tastes. Steve secretly thought it was just because Billy is a massive control freak. They ended up stopping for burgers and then driving out to the quarry to sit and eat (with an explicit threat to Steve’s life, should he spill anything inside Billy’s car). Just like the other night at Steve’s place, they spent the whole time talking about nothing at all. At one point, Billy found out that Steve had never actually listened to Metallica and proceeded to give a ten minute lecture about the values of heavy metal music.

“Honestly, Harrington,” Billy groused. “I know you grew up in this armpit of a town, but that’s no excuse for bad taste in music.” 

“Well they just don’t play that stuff on the radio here,” Steve said, trying not to sound defensive.

“Don’t I know it.” Billy groaned. “Don’t worry, Stevie, from this point on I will make it my personal goal to expand your music tastes into something less shitty by the end of spring.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon listening to the tapes Billy kept in a shoebox behind the driver’s seat, Billy talking to Steve the whole time. Occasionally, he would sing along to his favorite parts of a song, or bang out a drum solo on the dashboard of the car. Steve was...well, he was charmed by the whole thing. Here was Billy, rough and angry and loud, passionately explaining the history and significance of a genre of music that matched him perfectly. It almost made it worth each time Billy insulted Steve’s intelligence just for saying that he liked top-forty hits. When it was time to go pick up the kids from the arcade, Billy made a point to drive even faster than usual, the music cranked too loud as he cackled at Steve’s panicked grab at the dashboard. By the time they pulled into the parking space next to the BMW, both boys were breathless from laughter, Billy teasing Steve for being a wet blanket while Steve squawked about reckless driving. Steve got out of the Camaro, stretching a little.

“Hey, Steve,” Billy said. Steve leaned down to peer through the passenger side window at Billy.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s, uh,” Billy cleared his throat. “Let’s do this again sometime, yeah?”

“Yeah, ok.”

 

Over the next week, Steve began to notice small changes in Billy’s demeanor. When they passed each other in the hall at school, Billy would nod at Steve instead of the usual icy glare that he used to give. At basketball practice Billy played almost cooperatively with Steve, only shoving him to the ground when he truly wasn’t paying attention. After school, when waiting for the kids to get out, Billy and Steve would park next to each other, smoking and talking about whatever had happened at school that day. Wednesday night, arcade night for the kids, Billy and Steve again ended up hanging out together. This time they ended up eating at the diner, crammed into a back corner booth while Billy whined about all the food in California that he missed. Steve just nodded along, watching Billy as he talked. The blonde had a habit of drumming his fingers on the table, almost like he had too much energy in his blood to keep his whole body still all at once. The earring that hung from his ear bounced as Billy’s head moved, the little metal chain dragging against the hinge of his jaw occasionally. Steve wondered where Billy bought his earrings. Did he have to buy them in packs of two? What did he do with the spares?

This train of thought was interrupted by Billy grabbing his backpack from the seat next to him and swinging it up onto the table.

“I read the stories that we picked out already,” Billy said. “They were actually kinda cool, that one you picked out was interesting.”

“Oh,” Steve said, suddenly embarrassed. “Yeah, cool.” He didn’t want to admit that he had just picked that story out at random. Billy grabbed the books out of his backpack and slid them over the table to Steve.

“I took notes on stuff I thought we could focus on,” Billy was saying. “I also put some sticky notes in there to mark parts that I wanted to come back to, but you can ignore those as long as you don’t move them.”

“Wow.” was all Steve could think to say.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just...didn’t expect you to be so thorough?”

“I do _everything_ thorough, Stevie-boy.” Billy said with a wink and a tongue waggle. Steve chose to ignore the weird flip that his stomach did, focusing instead on trying to suppress the blush he could feel creeping up the back of his neck.

“So,” Billy continued. “Just read through the stories and take your own notes and stuff and we can start working on the paper and the presentation and stuff.” 

“Yeah, ok. Cool.” Steve agreed as he shoved the books in his backpack. 

They finished up their food and headed back to the arcade to pick up the kids, agreeing that they would meet up on Saturday again. As Steve drove himself home from the Henderson residence, he wondered if he could somehow ask Nancy to teach him how to take good notes without her turning it into a lecture about work ethic. He’d have to hope that Billy didn’t think he was a complete idiot by the end of this project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many more times in this fic can I write "Billy Hargrove of all people" hahaha.  
> I have a huge love for 80s music in general, but specifically 80s metal music, so get ready for Billy talking about music a lot for the rest of this story. 
> 
>  
> 
> Come yell with me on tumblr (@goblin-after-dark)


	5. There Is a Right Way to Listen to Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nancy helps Steve with his homework. Billy comes over to work on the project. Steve comes to a sudden, uncomfortable, unexpected realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This became very dialogue/Nancy driven, but I think it fits?  
> This chapter comes with a soundtrack, yay! Iron Maiden's "Killers" album (which you can listen to in its entirety here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIdC9OmvnoU )

Steve ends up asking Nancy to help him with his homework the next day at lunch while she and Jonathan sit with him in the cafeteria. Steve had stayed up way too late the night before, trying to read the stories he and Billy had picked out and failing miserably at understanding anything about them.  
“Please, Nance,” Steve was saying, trying hard not to whine. “You’ve always been the better student, and it’s really important that I do well on this project.”  
“Why is this project suddenly more important than any other project you’ve ever done?” Nancy asked, looking suspiciously at Steve.  
“Because,” Steve hesitated. Why was this project more important? Why did he care if Billy thought he was stupid? “I guess...I just don’t want to be the reason Billy gets a bad grade on this.”  
“Wait a second.” Jonathan cut in. “You’re doing this project with Billy Hargrove?”  
Steve nodded.  
“Is that why you two have been hanging out?” Nancy asked.  
“I mean,” Steve hedged. “we haven’t been hanging out…” except that they totally had been hanging out. Huh.  
“Steve,” Nancy said, suddenly looking very concerned. “Is Billy threatening to hurt you if you get him a bad grade?”   
“What? No!” Steve was losing his hold on this conversation. “Nance, that’s not it at all, don’t worry. I just don’t want to be that guy that doesn’t do his share of the project. That’s all.”  
Nancy didn’t look very convinced.   
“That seems fair.” Jonathan said. “I’ve heard that Billy is actually a pretty good student.”  
“Yeah, he is.” Steve agreed. “I mean, look at this!” He pulled the books out of his backpack, flipping to the pages that Billy had covered in sticky notes and careful pencil, underlining certain phrases or circling certain words. Nancy took the book from Steve’s hands, scanning over the words with a calculating look on her face.  
“He seems to really know what he’s doing.” She hummed.   
“Yeah,” steve agreed. “And I definitely don’t.”  
Jonathan chuckled. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think Steve.”  
“You didn’t see his college essays.” Nancy murmured. Steve winced.  
“Please, Nancy?”  
“Fine.” She sighed. “Come by tonight after school and we can go over it together.”  
“Thank you! Thanks, you’re really--”  
“But!” Nancy cut off Steve’s excited words. “You have to babysit the kids next Friday night at your house while my parents are on their date-night.”   
“Alright, fine.” Steve agreed, ignoring the little look that Nancy and Jonathan shared. He glanced up to see Billy seated with Tommy and Carol across the cafeteria. They made eye contact for a brief moment, and Steve’s gut did that same weird twist that it had been doing over the last week every time Billy looked at him for too long.

As Steve predicted, much of the time spent with Nancy that evening ended up being a lecture about work ethic. He knows that he should have paid more attention in class, thank you Nancy. It’s just that Steve had never really cared about english class. Or any of his other classes. Or school in general. It’s just hard to care about school when you don’t really understand anything the teacher is trying to tell you. Steve knows he’s not stupid, not exactly, but he’s always had a little bit more trouble with school ever since he was a kid. No matter how many lectures he receives from his parents, he’s just always been and always will be a straight-C kind of student. It’s good enough to get through, and it’s not like he wants to be a doctor or anything, so he really doesn’t see the point. Except for this project. He wants to do well on this project so badly. Not only out of fear of disappointing Billy (which is a weird feeling), but out of wanting to prove to Billy that he is capable of it (which is an even weirder feeling). So Steve sits through Nancy’s lecturing and then does his best to actually listen to her while she explains how to take notes on short stories and what sort of things to look for that will be important to write about. After a couple hours, they decided to take a break. They were sitting on Nancy’s bed, Steve leaned up against the rails at the foot of the bed, the book Billy had picked out laying open on his lap. Nancy was leaning against the head of the bed, looking over at Steve over the notebooks spread out across the mattress.  
“Steve,” Nancy said. “Are you...okay?”  
“What do you mean?” Steve asked, absentmindedly running his fingers over the edges of a sticky note on the page in front of him.   
“I mean, are you doing okay? You’ve been kind of distant lately.”  
“Oh. I’m fine.”  
Nancy sighed. “Are you upset about me and Jonathan?”  
“What? No.”   
“Steve.”  
“I mean, I was for a while. But I see how happy you guys are together. I’m happy for you two.”  
Nancy leaned forward, reached out a hesitant hand, placing it on Steve’s shoulder.   
“Steve,” She says. “Is there something going on with you? Is it because you’ve been spending time with Billy?”  
“I don’t know, Nance.” Steve said honestly. “I thought I’d never like the guy, but since we’ve been spending time together for this project…” Steve hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell her. “Billy is actually kind of okay to be around. It’s weird.”  
“I can imagine.” Nancy said.  
“No, really. Like he beat the shit out of me, but like now we just talk about normal shit?”  
“What kind of ‘normal shit’?”  
“Like, just normal shit. Music. And tv. Not--not monsters or the end of the world.”  
Nancy looked suddenly guilty, her mouth twisting a little.  
“Steve,” she said. “If you don’t want to talk about that stuff, that’s fine. But you know how important it is to me--and to Jonathan--that we don’t pretend that stuff never happened.”  
“I know, Nancy.” Steve snapped. “It’s just hard to be around people who make their whole life about all the dark shit they’ve been through! I don’t want to keep wallowing in my own misery!” Nancy was quiet for a moment.  
“Is that what you think it is?” She asked. “Wallowing?”  
“I don’t know,” Steve sighed. “Kind of.”  
Nancy stood up to pace beside the bed. Steve stayed where he was, fists balled up in his lap.  
“We went through horrible things, Steve.” She cried. “We deserve the right to be able to talk about it!”   
“You’re right, but that doesn’t mean that that has to be the only thing you ever talk about!”  
“Well I’m sorry we can’t all be like you and just live in denial all the time, Steve!”  
“God damnit, Nancy.” Steve sighed. He took a deep breath and tried to push down the anger rising in his chest. “This isn’t what I want to do tonight. I don’t want to fight with you right now.”  
Nancy just looked at him for a moment. Then her shoulders slumped. She sat on the bed next to Steve.  
“I’m sorry.” She said. “I’m just worried about you. I saw you hanging around with Billy Hargrove and I thought that maybe you were being self-destructive again. I worry about you Steve.” Steve put his arms around her shoulders, putting his head on top of hers when she leaned it against his shoulder.  
“It’s okay,” He murmured. “I’m okay.”   
They sat like that for a while, just breathing next to each other, until Mrs. Wheeler called through Nancy’s door that dinner was ready.  
“Are you staying for dinner?” Nancy asked him.  
“If that’s alright, yeah.” Steve replied. He didn’t want to say that his parents were out of town--had been for the last two days--meaning that his original dinner plans were fast food or whatever frozen leftovers he could find in the back of the freezer.   
At dinner, Mike talked about the Party’s latest antics at school. Mrs. Wheeler nodded along, looking disinterested but encouraging, while Steve interjected whenever he could with advice or jokes. He’d never admit it, but these dinners at the Wheeler's’ house are what he’d missed the most about dating Nancy. These nights where he got to feel like a part of a normal family, eating dinner all together, were something that he secretly hoarded in his memories. After dinner, Steve helped Mike clear the table, making plans for their Friday night DnD session. Then he and Nancy spent another hour chipping away at Steve’s english project before he had to head home. As he drove through the dark streets, the radio playing the latest pop song, something sappy and upbeat. Steve found himself thinking about Billy.   
He’d been doing that a lot lately.

Steve woke up around noon on Saturday to the sound of his doorbell ringing. He stumbled down the stairs dressed only in his boxers and a t-shirt, yawning and tugging a hand through the mess of his hair. He opened the door to find Billy standing on his front porch. Steve was suddenly very awake.  
“Hey, Harrington.” Billy smirked, giving Steve a once-over. “Did you forget I was coming over, or is this some new fashion statement you’re trying out?”  
“No, uh, I just woke up.”  
“So you did forget I was coming over.”  
“No! I just forgot what time you were coming over.”  
Billy laughed as he brushed past Steve and into the house. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder, as usual, and in his free hand was a cassette.  
“So,” he drawled. “I figured out why I thought that story you picked out sounded familiar.” He tossed the cassette at Steve. Steve looked at Billy for a moment, then down at the cassette.   
The sleeve was black, with white lettering. The cover art featured some kind of weird ghoul, wearing a t-shirt and holding a hammer. Above it, in red blocky letters, were the words ‘IRON MAIDEN.’   
“It reminded you of a tape?” Steve asked.   
Billy scoffed. “Not just a tape, smartass, look.” He leaned into Steve’s personal space to jab a finger at the tracklist. Steve thought very hard about not noticing that Billy smelled good--like cigarettes and some kind of musky cologne.  
“Side A, track three. Murders in the Rue Morgue.” Billy pointed out. “That’s the story you picked out.”  
“Oh. Weird.” Steve said. He looked at Billy, who suddenly seemed a little unsure of himself. “I mean, cool. That’s really cool.”  
“We can listen to it, today.” Billy suggested. “That is, unless you for some reason don’t have a stereo.”  
“I have a stereo.” Steve said dumbly.  
“I wouldn’t have guessed, what with your taste in music.” Billy laughed and Steve gave him a playful jab to the shoulder. Billy looked ready to start up some kind of rough housing, before suddenly pausing, glancing down at Steve’s boxers again.  
“Are you gonna get dressed, Harrington?” he asked. Steve suddenly remembered that he was half-dressed and cursed. He shoved the cassette back at Billy, telling him to go wait in the living room before bounding up the stairs to his room to throw on some pants. As he did, Steve absolutely refused to make a big deal out of Billy seeing him in his underwear for such a prolonged period of time.  
When Steve came back downstairs, he found Billy idly flipping through channels on the tv looking very much at home on Steve’s couch. Billy had taken off his boots, and his socked feet were up on the coffee table right next to Steve’s backpack. As Steve sat down next to him, Billy switched the channel to MTV and sat up.  
“So, Harrington,” Billy said. “Did you manage to read the stories this week?”   
“Yeah,” Steve said as he pulled out the books and his notes. “I took some notes on them, but I think yours are probably better. And like, most of the stuff you marked was what I would have marked anyway.” Billy nodded, looking over Steve’s notes carefully. Steve was nervous. He actually cared about what Billy thought of his work.  
“This looks good, Harrington.” Billy said. “I think once we compare notes we can start putting together an outline for the paper and brainstorming ideas for the presentation.”   
Steve just nodded and they got to work.  
Billy was actually a really good student. Steve had known that Billy got good grades, and whenever they talked about school he sounded like he knew what he was doing, but to see him in action was something else. They spent an hour just comparing notes and talking about the two stories they had picked out, and the themes that existed in both of them. Billy had also gone back to the library at some point to get a book about Edgar Allan Poe himself, so he was able to compare things in each story to the author’s life. Again, Steve found himself just watching Billy talk, eyes drawn to the way Billy’s tongue poked out sometimes and that damn earring as it bounced along to Billy’s movements. After another hour they had a solid idea of what they wanted to write about, and an outline written down in Steve’s angular handwriting. They decided to take a break to eat some food, and as soon as they were done eating Billy demanded to see Steve’s stereo.  
“Well there’s one down here,” Steve said. “But I think one of the speakers is broken or like a wire is bent wrong or something.”   
“Well that won’t work at all,” Billy said, using that imperious tone he tended to adopt when he was ‘educating’ Steve about music. “We need both speakers working to get the full experience.”  
“I guess we can use the one in my room?” Steve said. Billy made a motion for Steve to lead the way, so Steve started up the stairs.   
Billy seemed impressed by Steve’s stereo set up. Steve hadn’t ever thought much of it, since he didn’t really use it that often, but Billy seemed to be eyeing it enviously. He put the tape into the stereo, turned the volume knob to an alarming level, and paused with his finger on the play button. He looked at Steve. He had that look on his face that Steve had learned meant that Billy was unsure of how to phrase whatever he wanted to say.  
“So,” Billy started. “This band is English, right? And they like do a lot of cool instrumental stuff on this album, ok? And, uh, this is the last album where they had Paul Di’Anno doing the vocals for them. And the theme of the album is like murderers and villains and stuff, hence the name ‘Killers’. ”   
Steve just nodded along from his seat on the bed.  
“Ok.” Billy said. He pressed play.   
Guitars and heavy drums filled the room. Billy adjusted the volume a bit as the song went on, making sure it was adequately loud. He stood awkwardly for a moment, before sitting next to Steve on the edge of the bed. As the instrumental faded into the next song, both boys sat awkwardly. Steve kind of bobbed his head to the beat, unsure of what he was supposed to be doing. Billy let out a huff, startling Steve.  
“You’re doing this all wrong, Harrington.” Billy said. “Don’t you know how to listen to music?”  
“Is there a right way to listen to music?” Steve asked.  
“Of course there is!” Billy seemed to be somewhere between exasperated and amused. “Here. First, you gotta lay down.” He shoved Steve backwards, before flopping onto his back as well. “Now close your eyes.” Steve did. “Now just. Listen. Feel the music. Don’t think about anything.”   
Steve gave Billy a dubious look before doing as he was told. The song faded and another began.  
“This is the song that’s based on the Poe story.” Billy said quietly.  
Steve liked this song. The tempo was faster, and Steve was able to follow the lyrics a little better now that he was focusing. He liked the guitars on this song, trying to remember the things Billy had told him about the evolution of guitar in heavy metal music. As the song blended into the next, neither boy said anything, both of them still on their backs on the bed with their legs dangling off the edge. Another song came and went. And another.  
Steve snuck a peek over at Billy. His hands were resting on his chest and his fingers tapped along to the tempo, his tongue poked out occasionally to wet his lips. Occasionally, he would mouth the words of a song as it played. His eyes were closed.   
Had Billy’s eyelashes always been so long? So soft looking? Steve found himself looking closely at Billy’s face, tracing it with his eyes. The bruises that had been there that night at the quarry were all but gone now, just slightly yellow patches here and there. Steve wanted to reach out and run a finger along the edges of the largest one, where it spread along Billy’s jaw, soothe it away with gentle touches. Maybe even a gentle kiss.  
Wait. Hold on.  
Oh shit.  
Did Steve want to kiss Billy Hargrove? How long had Steve wanted to kiss Billy Hargrove?   
Steve tried very hard not to panic.   
He failed.   
Billy seemed to sense Steve’s discomfort, because he opened his eyes and looked over at the brunette.   
“You alright, Steve?” he asked, speaking over the music still pumping out of the speakers.  
“I, uh,” Steve didn’t know what to do. He could barely think, barely breathe. He tried to speak but it felt like his throat was closing up. He felt too cold and too hot all at once.   
“Hey. Steve, what’s wrong?” Billy sat up, looking at Steve with concern. Steve just stayed put.  
“Steve, you’re freaking out, stop freaking out.” Billy gripped at Steve’s shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position. He got up and stopped the music before sitting next to Steve again.  
“Steve,” Billy said. He had his hands on Steve’s upper arms. “You need to breathe, okay? Take a deep breath.” Billy demonstrated, breathing deeply in through his nose and out through his mouth. Steve did his best to copy the other boy’s breathing, his fists clenched in his bedding. After a few moments of Billy breathing with him, Steve managed to slow his breaths and calm down enough to speak.  
“Sorry.” He said. “Sorry, I don’t. I don’t know what that was, I don’t know--”  
“You were having a panic attack.” Billy interrupted him. “I’ve had them before. Are you okay?”  
Steve nodded.  
“Do you need anything?” Billy asked. “Water, maybe?”  
“No, I...Can you--” Steve didn’t know what to do. “I think I need to be alone now.”   
“Are you sure?” Billy looked concerned, and a little hurt.  
“Yeah, I just. Can you leave?” Steve said. He wanted to crawl out of his skin.  
“Sure, I’ll just, uh. I’ll just go.” Billy stood, turning toward the tape player, thinking better of it, and then heading for the door. He looked back at Steve once more. “Talk to you later, Harrington.”  
Steve listened to the sound of Billy walking down the stairs to the living room, then the front door slamming shut. As soon as the sound of the Camaro’s engine faded into the distance, Steve collapsed back onto his bed.  
Well, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I angsted a little. Don't worry, there will probably be way more angst in the next chapter, lol.
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr (@goblin-after-dark)


	6. When It Rains...and So On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has a lot to think about. And ends up lashing out in a bad way. Then Dustin makes a discovery that Steve never would have anticipated. Plus sweet bonding with the Party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit of a doozy. 
> 
> Also, thank you so much to everybody who has been keeping up with this and commenting. I'm glad you all are liking it so far, I am too!

Steve didn’t move for several hours. He just kept going over it in his head. Did he like Billy? He didn’t mind hanging out with the other boy, had really begun to enjoy it, actually. But did that mean he  _ like- _ liked Billy? That was wrong, wasn’t it? Besides, Steve liked girls. He’d liked Nancy. Loved Nancy, even. Did he love Billy? Hell no. At least...not yet? Could he even love a boy like he had loved Nancy? Could he love Billy like that? 

Steve’s thoughts just kept circling back to this as the day wore on and night crept in. 

 

He didn’t consciously notice that he was falling asleep, just that suddenly he was in a nightmare.

Steve stood alone in the middle of the basketball court, dressed in his gym clothes. He couldn’t see past the edges of the boundary lines, the rest of the gym shrouded in shadow. When he looked up, instead of ceiling, he saw stars. He looked out across the wooden floor at the sound of a basketball hitting the floor. As it bounced towards him, Steve caught it. He looked down and in his hands was Dustin’s severed head. Steve screamed, dropping the head and scrambling backwards. His back collided with a tree, and he was now in the woods behind his house. Except, the woods weren’t right. There was a thick fog floating between the trees, and the air held a rotten smell. A smell that Steve remembered from the Mind Flayer’s tunnels. Steve choked on the putrid air, pulling his shirt up over his nose and mouth. He began to walk through the woods, towards where he knew his backyard would be. He was still wearing his gym shorts, and as he walked branches and bushes scratched at his exposed legs. 

There was something in the woods. He just knew it. But he also knew that if he could keep walking, if he could get to his house and lock the door, he would be safe. 

An otherworldly growl came from somewhere behind him. Steve started running. He dropped his shirt from his face so that he could use both hands to push away branches and hanging foliage. He could see his bedroom window in the distance. He saw Nancy in the window, taking off her shirt, in a perfect recreation of the photo Jonathan had taken that night he’d spied on them. Except this time, as Nancy turned, it was Jonathan who embraced her. Steve wanted to call out for help, but his throat felt as though it were being grasped by an invisible hand. He kept running, and as he reached the edge of the treeline, he tripped. He skinned his knees and the palms of his hands on the concrete of his patio. He tried to pull himself to his feet, but couldn’t find the strength. He crawled forward, skirting the edge of the pool and trying to get to the door. Through the glass, he could see Dustin standing with the rest of the Party. They were shouting at him to get up, to defend himself. Then they went silent, looking past Steve at whatever had been chasing him through the woods. He didn’t want to, but Steve turned around, sprawled on the ground and looking up at the hulking form of a demogorgon. It let out a horrible wail, and latched onto Steve’s ankle with a clawed hand. As it moved backwards, dragging Steve along the concrete, Steve looked back to the kids hiding inside. He knew that as long as the monsters had him, they would be safe. Instead of retreating into the woods, the demogorgon pulled Steve to the edge of the pool. As it toppled over the edge and into the water, it pulled Steve in with it. They were sinking into an endless, dark ocean. Steve fought against the demogorgon’s grip, trying to swim towards the surface, his lungs straining. A stream of bubbles escaped his mouth, floating up and away. He felt the claws around his ankle change to strong, warm fingers. He looked down and was met with the sight of Billy, gripping onto Steve’s ankle and looking up at him with those blue eyes. Behind Billy Steve saw a huge, gaping maw filled with thousands and thousands of teeth. Billy smiled.

 

Steve woke up screaming. He sat up and scooted back to lean against the headboard, panting and sweating and shaking. He ran his hands through his sweat-damp hair, tugging a little. He pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on them, trying to remember how to breathe. Billy’s calm voice echoed through his mind--‘you need to breathe’--and Steve remembered the twisted smile of the Billy in his nightmare. A rumble in his stomach reminded Steve that he hadn’t eaten anything since before Billy had come over. He took a deep breath and looked at the clock by his bed. Its green glowing numbers informed him that it was one in the morning. Steve stood from the bed and realized that he was still wearing his jeans. He remembered the phantom feeling of branches scraping along his legs and decided with a shudder to change after having something to eat.

On his way down to the kitchen, Steve turned on every lightswitch that he passed. He needed to fill the house with light, knowing that if there were any monsters from the Upside Down, the flicker of the lamps would alert him. Part of him wished that he knew where his parents stored the christmas lights. He ate leftover pizza from the fridge almost mechanically, while standing in the middle of the kitchen directly under a light fixture. 

Steve wished he could call somebody. Everyone in their right mind would be asleep so late at night, unless they were at a house party or something. Steve wondered if Billy was at a party. He remembered hearing Tommy talking about having some kind of kegger at his place that weekend. Maybe Billy had gone. Maybe Billy had told everybody who would listen that former King Steve got panic attacks from listening to heavy metal music. Did Billy know why Steve had freaked out? Steve didn’t think so. He hoped not, anyway.

Steve finished his food and went back upstairs, not turning off any of the lights, figuring he could make up some kind of excuse if his parents questioned him about the power bill. He changed into a pair of sweatpants. He got into bed and sat back against the headboard, piling the pillows and blankets around himself in a protective nest. He didn’t get back to sleep until the first rays of morning began to creep over the tops of the trees outside.

 

Steve spent the rest of his weekend twitchy and exhausted. He tried to finish his homework, gave up halfway through, and vowed to finish it before class on Monday morning. He just didn’t know what to do. He’d not only thoroughly embarrassed himself in front of Billy Hargrove, but he’d somehow stumbled upon a nest of emotions that had been growing in his chest for who knows how long. He kept thinking about Billy’s eyes, how blue and inviting they seemed when they were talking to each other while hanging out. How terrifying they had been in that nightmare. Steve considered calling Nancy, but thought better of it. After their fight on Thursday, he didn’t really want to hear her lecture him anymore. Or worse, try to console him. Instead, he radioed Dustin on the walkie-talkie.

“Hey Dustin,” Steve called. “Do you copy? It’s Steve. Over”

“Hey Steve,” came the response. “What’s up? Over”

“Just making sure everything is cool over there. Over.” 

“Situation is normal. Over.”

“Oh, ok. Cool. Over.”

“Is everything okay Steve? Over.”

“Yeah, fine. I’m all good here. Over and out.” Steve turned off the walkie-talkie and put it back on his desk before Dustin could say anything else. He didn’t know what he had thought that would accomplish, other than getting a bunch of nosy kids overly invested in his well-being. Again. Steve would just have to figure out what the hell was wrong with him on his own. 

He decided to start from the beginning. When did he first start thinking of Billy as somebody he’d want to kiss? Steve didn’t know. Why did Steve want to kiss Billy at all? Again, Steve didn’t really know. All he did know is that at some point he and Billy had become friends and now Steve wanted to kiss the guy. Kiss a guy. Just one guy? Did Steve want to kiss other guys? Sure, Steve had noticed that he looked at guys a lot more than others his age seemed to, but he hadn’t ever really let himself think about it. He liked girls, he slept with girls, he dated girls. That meant that he couldn’t want anything like that from guys too. Right? This whole thing was making Steve’s head hurt. And his chest. Steve decided it would be better to think about it later.

 

At school on Monday, Steve avoided Billy like the plague. He felt jumpy and tired, only having managed to get a few hours of sleep the night before. At lunch, Nancy and Jonathan exchanged worried glances, but said nothing about Steve’s dark circles and tired eyes. In English class, Steve kept his eyes resolutely trained on a spot on the wall, ignoring the concerned looks Billy kept shooting him from across the room. It was harder to avoid Billy physically during basketball practice, but Steve compensated by avoiding eye contact. He thought he had been doing pretty well, until Billy had cornered him in the locker room after everyone else had left.

“Hey,” Billy said, leaning next to Steve’s locker. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve grunted, still not looking at Billy. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. I just...wanted to make sure after Saturday.”

“Well, I’m fine.” Steve snapped. “It’s not your job to worry about me, Hargrove.”

Billy looked hurt for a second, before changing his face into something mean.

“Well excuse me, Princess,” Billy sneered. “Don’t need to get your panties in a bunch.”

“Fuck off.” Steve said, slamming his locker shut. “Just cause we’re doing a project together doesn’t mean you suddenly get to act like we’re best friends or something.” 

“Don’t worry, Harrington, I didn’t have any hopes for that.” 

“Well, good.”

“Good.”

“Fine.” Steve turned and left the locker room, stomping all the way out to the parking lot and his BMW. He wanted to puke. He got into his car and slammed the door shut. He banged his hands on the steering wheel a few times, swearing at himself. He leaned his head back against the seat and sighed. Why was Billy being so mean? Why was Steve being so mean? Steve had panicked, again, and his knee-jerk response had been to lash out at Billy. As Steve drove home that afternoon, he wondered what his next steps were going to be. First thing tomorrow he was going to apologize to Billy.

Steve didn’t get a chance to apologize to Billy. The blonde was avoiding Steve just as much as Steve had been on Monday. For the rest of the week, Billy managed to never be alone with Steve anywhere. Whenever they were in the same room, Billy made it a point to treat Steve with a vicious meanness that rivaled his attitude when he had first rolled into Hawkins all those months ago. On Wednesday, Steve watched from his car as Billy dropped off Max at the arcade. Steve had hoped to catch the other boy to try to actually talk, but Billy barely even stopped the Camaro long enough for Max to get out before hauling ass out of the parking lot and off to who knows where. Basketball practice was the worst though, with Billy taking every chance to slam into Steve, knocking into him and pushing him to the ground at every opportunity. Steve kept finding bruises on his hips and legs. By the time Friday rolled around, Steve was ready to never talk to Billy Hargrove ever again.

 

“Steve,” Nancy’s voice broke him out of his thoughts. “Were you even listening to me?” She was sitting across from him at their usual table in the cafeteria. Jonathan sat next to her, fiddling with his camera.

“Sorry Nance,” Steve said. “What were you saying?”

“I was reminding you,” she said “That you’re hosting the kids at your place tonight. Remember? You promised you would since I helped you with your notes for that paper.”

“Shit, is that tonight?”

“Yes! Steve, don’t tell me you forgot!”

“I didn’t forget! I just didn’t realize that you meant this Friday. As in today.” 

Nancy gave him an unimpressed look, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. Steve sighed. She had pulled him aside the other day before school to apologize for the fight last week. Steve had apologized too, and from then on Nancy and Jonathan had been talking about the Upside Down noticeably less. It didn’t stop her from constantly trying to mother him, though.

“I’ll take care of it,” Steve said. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure everything is taken care of.”

 

After school, Steve and Jonathan picked up the kids, piling them all into both cars and taking them back to Steve’s house. His parents were still out of town, so he planned on just ordering pizza for dinner instead of trying to cook. As soon as they got to Steve’s, the Party set to work completely commandeering the dining room. After a matter of ten minutes, the table was covered in maps and spell cards and notebooks. Mike was sat at the head of the table, El and Will at his sides, with the other kids circled around. Steve wasn’t playing with them that night, citing that he had homework he needed to finish. In reality, he just wasn’t in the mood for it, already putting in too much effort to pretend that he was fine to try to pretend to fight dragons on top of that. Instead, he sat in the living room with a book, keeping half an ear on the kids and pretending to read while he stewed in his own thoughts. After a few hours the Party decided to take a break for dinner. While Steve called in their order to the pizza place, they piled onto the couch and watched tv. He put the phone down and sighed. He looked up as Max came into the kitchen.

“Steve.” She said. She had a look on her face that meant she wanted to talk but wasn’t sure how to put it. Steve realized he only knew that because it was the same look Billy would get. Something in his chest clenched.

“What’s up?” He asked. “Need something to drink?” She shook her head.

“Did you and Billy get into another fight or something?” She asked.

“What?” Steve was taken aback. He glanced at the kitchen door, checking for eavesdroppers.

“You guys had been hanging out right?”

“Yeah. And?” 

“Well, it’s just that. For the time that you guys were being friendly with each other...I don’t know. Billy just seemed like he was. Better? I guess? He was nicer to me, and Lucas too. He didn’t seem as angry all the time.” She frowned, seeming unsure if her point was getting across. 

Steve just stood quietly. Sure, Billy had been nicer to Steve while they were hanging out, but he hadn’t really thought about how Billy was acting outside of those interactions. Had he really been acting nicer towards the kids?

“And now,” Max continued. “This week he’s been back to how he was before. Maybe even worse. He’s angry and he stays locked up in his room as much as he can. He keeps picking fights with--” She stopped talking, looking up at Steve sharply. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Steve said, too quickly.

“Steve, what did he do?”

“Nothing.” Steve said. Part of him was sad that Max automatically assumed it was Billy’s fault.

“Steve, please. You can talk to me.” She whispered. “Was it something bad? I won’t tell anybody I swear.” 

“Billy didn’t do anything, Max.” Steve sighed. “It was me. I…” He didn’t know how much of this he wanted to share with her, especially since he wasn’t sure if she’d tell Billy or not. Before he could make up his mind, the doorbell rang and the house was filled with a chorus of young voices shouting about pizza.

 

After the kids finished eating, Steve cleaned up in the kitchen, rinsing off plates and packing away leftovers. When he finished, he noticed that the house was far too quiet. He ventured into the living room, finding all of the kids huddled around Dustin, who was holding a piece of paper and an envelope. A familiar-looking envelope. Steve felt all the blood drain from his face as he looked at his suicide note held in Dustin’s pudgy hand.

“Steve,” Dustin said. “What is this?”

“Where did you find that?”

“It was on the floor by your desk. I found it when I went up to grab your spare character sheets.” 

“So you just opened it?” Steve was trying not to shout. Trying not to panic.

“It had my name on it!” Dustin’s voice held exasperation and worry.

“Steve,” Mike interjected. “Is this a suicide note?”

“Are you gonna kill yourself?” Lucas asked. 

“Why?” Will chimed in.

Steve felt like all the air had been sucked from the room. He just stared at them for a moment. Max stepped away from the group, towards Steve. She gripped his arm gently and steered him toward the couch. He sat heavily and put his head in his hands. He felt six small bodies crowd in around him. Max and Will sat on either side of him, leaning into him. El placed a hand on one shoulder, as Mike leaned against her. Lucas put his hand on the other shoulder. Dustin kneeled on the floor in front of Steve.

“Are you gonna do it, Steve?” Dustin asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” Steve answered. “No. Not anymore.”

“Are you unhappy?” Came El’s quiet voice.

“No,” Steve said, looking up at her and then all of the others. He felt his heart break a little at the sadness in their eyes. “No, I’m not unhappy. I just…” He didn’t know what to say. He’d written that note almost three weeks ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then.

“Is this why you and Billy aren’t getting along anymore?” Max asked.

“Actually no,” Steve let out a little laugh. “We started getting along because of this. I went out to the quarry to...but Billy was there too. He talked to me, stopped me. And then we got that assignment and we started hanging out.” Max looked thoughtful.

“Wait.” Mike said. “You started hanging out with Billy almost a month ago.”

“How long have you had this letter, Steve?” Lucas asked.

“How long have you wanted to…” Will trailed off, not wanting to say the words.

“Look,” Steve said. “I don’t want to worry you guys.” 

“Too late for that, asshole.” Dustin interrupted.

“Okay, fair point.” Steve conceded. “I had been...thinking about it for a while. After the whole thing with the Mind Flayer, I just haven’t been feeling...right. I wasn’t going to actually do it until a few weeks ago. But I didn’t do it! And I don’t want to do it, anymore. I don’t think.”

“Promise.” El said, standing up straight and staring him down. She put her hand out, palm down, hovering in front of Steve. “Promise you won’t.”

“Yeah,” Mike said, putting his hand on top of hers. “And promise that you’ll come talk to us the next time you think about it.”

“Promise you’ll talk to us about any shit you’re dealing with.” Dustin said as he added his hand to the pile.

The other kids all murmured in agreement as they put their hands on top of each other’s. The last to do so was Max, and she looked at Steve for a long time before speaking.

“Promise,” she said. “You’ll tell us  _ everything _ .”

Steve looked at them. These kids had been through so much shit, more than he had, and yet remained so strong. It was easy to forget how wise they could be. How capable of deep compassion. Steve spared a moment to be thankful for choosing to stay and fight the demogorgon with Nancy and Jonathan that first time. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have become the best damn babysitter for the best damn kids in the world. He put his hand on top of theirs, feeling the warmth of their skin radiating upwards into his palm.

“I promise.” He swore.

 

The moment was broken by a roar that could only belong to Billy’s camaro as it came tearing down the street and up the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger, dun dun dunnnn! 
> 
>  
> 
> These chapters are getting longer and longer because I'm finally to the part that I started writing this fic for in the first place, haha. I'm still trying to get the hang of writing for the kids, oof.
> 
> Find my Stranger Things/Harringrove sideblog on tumblr (@goblin-after-dark)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE FINAL CHAPTER!  
> Steve and Billy finally have an important talk, and the boys have to figure out what's next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is y'all!  
> Sorry I'm so late with this update, this chapter turned into a bit of a monster to write, haha.

The camaro idled in the driveway. None of the kids moved. The horn blared, loud and insistent, and all of them jumped. Max looked at the clock on the wall.

“He’s early.” She said. “He’s not supposed to pick me up for another hour.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Steve said as he stood, gently extricating himself from the tangle of thirteen-year-olds around him. He patted Max reassuringly on the shoulder as he moved past her and towards the front door.

“Steve,” Max warned, her voice timid. “He’s probably in a really bad mood.” 

“It’s fine.” Steve said. “I need to talk to him anyway and you kids deserve another hour of your game.” 

At the front door, with his hand poised on the knob, Steve took a moment to steel himself. He felt raw, like somebody had scooped out his insides with a grapefruit spoon. He didn’t want to face Billy right now, not after such an emotional conversation with the kids, but he figured it was now or never. Steve squared his shoulders and stepped outside. 

Billy was sitting in the parked car, all the windows rolled up, blasting music and chain smoking. Steve stepped up to the driver’s side and tapped on the window. Billy glanced up, saw it was Steve standing there, and quickly looked away. Steve knocked on the window again.

“Billy, come on.” He said.

Billy just cranked his music louder, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray and tapping another out of the pack. Steve rolled his eyes.

“Billy, get out of the car.” Steve put his hand on the door handle and tugged, surprised that the door was unlocked as it popped open a bit. 

Before Steve could say anything, Billy slammed the door the rest of the way open, knocking Steve backward and onto his ass in the driveway. 

“What the hell, Billy?” Steve snapped, looking up at the other boy. His breath caught when he spotted Billy’s face. The side of his face was bright red, like it had been slapped by a heavy hand. Blood oozed from his nose and down his chin, dripping onto the front of his shirt. The injuries weren’t as bad as the ones he’d had that first night when they met at the quarry, but there was a wildness behind Billy’s wet eyes that set off danger bells in Steve’s head. 

“Billy, what the hell?” Steve asked. “Are you okay?” He got to his feet, slowly, scared of spooking the other boy.

“It’s not your problem, Harrington.” Billy said, his hands twitching at his sides like he wasn’t sure what to do with them. “I’m just here to pick up Max.”

Steve glanced back to the front window, seeing the kids peeking out through the front window. He was overcome with a terrible sense of dejavu.

“Well, you’re an hour earlier than expected.” Steve said. “Does she need to be back home right this minute?”

Billy didn’t say anything for a minute, looking past Steve at the kids.

“Billy, look, I--” Steve started.

“I’ve been leaving you alone, Harrington, just like you wanted.”

“Well I didn’t mean it, okay?”

“You could have told me that.”

“When? When, Billy? You were avoiding me all week. And when you weren’t avoiding me, you were actively trying to make me feel like shit.”

Billy’s fists clenched at his sides. Steve sighed.

“Look.” Steve said. “I’ve been really shitty too lately. Come inside and let me apologize.” 

“I…” Billy started. He looked at Steve with a pleading expression. “I have to take Max home.”

“Not for another hour though, okay?”

Billy looked unsure.

“Billy,” Steve said, gently. “Come inside. Get that blood off your face. Let the kids play their dumb campaign for another hour.”

Billy shifted his weight from one foot to the other, then seemed to come to a decision. He nodded at Steve, turning to cut the camaro’s engine and pocket the keys before following Steve into the house. As Steve led Billy past the living room, he shot a look at the kids, silently laughing as they scrambled to look like they were busy. Steve led the way upstairs to his bathroom, where he made Billy sit on the closed lid of the toilet.

“So…” Steve said, choosing to search through the medicine cabinet instead of look at Billy. “I’m sorry. For being a dick to you.”

Billy just hummed, wadding up some toilet paper to hold to his nose as it sluggishly dripped blood.

“Also,” Steve continued. “I’m sorry I freaked out on you last weekend.”

“I just...” Billy sighed. “I just wish I knew what I did.”

“What?”   
“Well, you obviously freaked out because I did something wrong. I just don’t know what the hell I did.”

“Billy, you didn’t--”   
“Shut up, Harrington. I know I did something wrong. I always do.”

“Hey, no. It was me, I…” Steve paused. He wasn’t sure how to handle this version of Billy, who seemed resigned and sad instead of angry and violent. Was he ready to tell Billy the truth? He thought about the kids downstairs. He’d told them the truth, didn’t he owe Billy the same? Tonight seemed to be the night for painful honesty for Steve. He sighed and sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking down at his hands and then up at Billy who was still holding the wad of toilet paper to his nose. 

“I freaked out on Saturday because,” Steve said. “Because I had an...epiphany? Is that the word? Anyway, I had a realization and sort of panicked.”

“Sort of.” Billy snorted and then winced.

“Yeah, okay,” Steve smiled. “I totally panicked.”

“So, you gonna tell me what this big realization was?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Steve groaned and put his head in his hands. This was harder than he expected it to be. Billy put a hand on his shoulder, making Steve jump. He looked up at Billy. In the brightness of the bathroom, Steve could see that Billy looked as bad as Steve felt. There were dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes, and past the blood and the blooming bruises, there was a sort of tired dishevelment that seemed to go bone deep. Without thinking, Steve reached a hand up and wrapped his fingers around Billy’s wrist. He leaned forward slowly, expecting Billy to lash out at any given moment, and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of the other boy’s mouth. Billy let out a little gasp, his fingers tightening on Steve’s shoulder. Steve pulled back a little, just enough to look at Billy without going cross-eyed. Those blue eyes looked back at him with wonder. 

“So, yeah.” Steve said lamely. “That.”

“Oh.” Billy said. He was quiet for a long time, just looking at Steve intently. After a while, Steve got antsy, his hold on Billy’s wrist loosening. He stood, Billy’s hand slipping from his shoulder, and moved to the sink. As he ran a washcloth under the faucet, he looked at Billy out of the corner of his eye. The blonde had moved his hand to his mouth, slowly tracing his fingers over where Steve had kissed him. He didn’t seem to be angry, just maybe in shock. Steve perched on the tub again and moved both of Billy’s hands away from his face so that he could start to wipe the blood away from his skin. Once Steve finished, Billy broke the silence.

“How long have you wanted to do that?” he asked.

“For sure since last weekend.” Steve said. “Probably longer, though, if I’m being honest.”

“Why did you want to do that?” Billy asked.

“Because...I like you.  _ Like _ like you.”

Billy laughed. His eyes didn’t seem as haunted anymore, but there was wetness still clinging to his bottom lashes. Steve wanted to kiss him again. So he did. 

Billy met him halfway, moving his hands to Steve’s shoulders and holding him gently as their mouths moved together. Steve put a hand on Billy’s jaw, tracing its curve up to his ear and down his neck to rest against his collar bone. They stayed that way for a long time, just kissing and moving gentle hands over each other until Steve’s ass started to go numb from sitting on the hard porcelain of the tub for so long. He pulled away from Billy reluctantly, breathing in the smell of Billy and blood and cigarette smoke. He stood, leaning against the wall and just smiling at Billy.

A knock at the bathroom door made them both jump.

“Steve?” Max’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Jonathan just picked up Will and Mike. Dustin and Lucas need to be home soon too.”

“Shit,” Steve said, checking his watch. Had it already been an hour?  

“Okay, we’ll be out in a minute!” He called out to Max. He looked at Billy, who had stood and was checking his reflection in the mirror, fixing his hair and wiping the last of the blood from his chin and neck. They caught each other’s eye in the mirror and they just stared at each other for a moment. Billy turned and slowly, gently, pulled Steve towards him by the hips.

“For what it’s worth,” he murmured, looking at Steve’s mouth instead of his eyes. “I’m sorry too. For...shit, for everything. For being an asshole to you. For beating the shit out of you.” He made eye contact with Steve, his hands flexing on Steve’s hips.

“It’s okay.” Steve said.

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have done any of that, I just…” Billy trailed off, frowning.

“We need to talk about this, sure.” Steve said. “But we don’t have time for it now.”

“I can come by tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Steve gave him another slow kiss, flicking his tongue against the inside of Billy’s upper lip and revelling in the little shiver it caused in the other boy.

As they exited the bathroom, Max eyed them suspiciously but said nothing. As Dustin and Lucas piled into the BMW and Billy got behind the wheel of the camaro, Steve stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m gonna talk to him tomorrow.” Steve told her. “We’ll work this out, okay?”

She nodded and got in the car with her step-brother. As they drove away, Steve felt a little bit of the tension that had built up in him over the last week loosen. He got in the BMW and drove Dustin and Lucas home.

 

Steve lay awake in bed for a long time that night, going over the events of the day in his mind. He’d done it! Steve Harrington had kissed Billy fucking Hargrove. And he hadn’t been murdered for it. Yet. They were going to talk about it tomorrow. Would Billy be so easy-going after having a night to think about it? What did this mean for them? Were they dating now? Steve felt a little bit of fear bubble up in his throat. They couldn’t date, at least not the way Steve was used to. Not the way Steve had dated Nancy. Not living in a small town like Hawkins. Hell, the only things Steve knew about guys who liked guys were the horrible whispers that passed by on the fringes of conversations. But Steve really liked Billy. They could figure this out, he was sure.

 

The doorbell rang around ten in the morning. Steve, who had maybe slept four hours, was already sitting in the living room nursing a cup of coffee and jumped to answer the door as fast as possible. He opened the door to see Billy looking just as sleep deprived, wearing a wrinkled band shirt over the same jeans from the night before. His face didn’t look too marked up, but there was some definite bruising along the bridge of his nose.

“Hey.” Steve said dumbly.

“Hey.” Billy said. His mouth twitched up in a small smile. “Gonna let me in or what?”

Steve stepped aside and Billy walked past him and into the living room. He sat on the couch, looking awkward and unsure. Steve felt just as awkward and unsure, hovering in the doorway to the living room.

“Do you, uh,” Steve said. “Do you want some coffee or something?”

“Sure.” Billy said. His fingers twitched a little, like he wasn’t sure what to do with them.

“Come on.” Steve said. He led Billy into the kitchen, poured him a cup of coffee, and then grabbed a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket before leading the way out to the back yard. It was an overcast day, the sky a sort of muddled gray that made the world seem like the colors in it had faded. Despite the cloudy skies though, the morning was warm, the sticky heat of summer already starting to creep in. Steve was glad he was just wearing sweats and a t shirt.

Steve sat sideways on one of the deck chairs and took out a cigarette. 

“Finally got around to buying my own pack.” He said, shooting Billy a little smile. He patted the space next to himself on the chair. Billy sat next to him and took the cigarette Steve offered. They sat quietly, smoking and sipping at their coffee.

“So.” Steve said.

“So.” Billy agreed.

“I don’t know where to start.” Steve sighed.

“Where do you want to start?”

“I don’t know. If you were Nancy or any other girl from school, I’d say something charming and then try to get in your pants, I guess.”

Billy grunted into his coffee, shoulders tense and hiked nearly up to his ears.

“Well I’m not some girl, so that makes this different.” Billy said.

“I know that,” Steve said. “I’m just saying...I don’t know what I’m doing. But I like you a lot. And I liked kissing you.”

“Enough to want to do it on a regular basis?”

“Definitely.” Steve looked at Billy, studying the tense anxious lines around his eyes. Slowly, Steve put his coffee cup down on the ground, moving his hand instead to rest carefully on Billy’s knee. Billy set his mug aside too, putting his hand on top of Steve’s.

“Nobody can find out about this.” Billy said quietly. “You know that, right? Not your friends, not the kids. Nobody.” 

“The kids can keep a secret.” Steve said. He turned his hand over to lace their fingers together.

“ _ Nobody _ , Steve.”

“Okay.”

Billy relaxed a little, his shoulders slumping in relief. He took a drag on his cigarette, exhaling long and slow. He looked at Steve, eyes tracing over every line of his face.

“I meant it,” he said. “What I said last night. I’m sorry for what I did to you that night at the Byers’ place.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been wanting to apologize for it since that night out at the quarry.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Billy sighed. “I should have apologized that night. Almost did, but…”

“It’s fine.” Steve said, leaning against Billy’s side a little. Billy tensed up again, but relaxed into the pressure after a moment.

“It’s not fine.” Billy murmured. “Steve, you were gonna kill yourself.”

“Not because you kicked my ass, though, dickhead. My ego isn’t  _ that _ fragile.”

“Why then?” Billy looked Steve in the eye, his gaze intent and smouldering. Steve hesitated. He’d just talked about this with the kids, and even then he’d been vague about the details. How much was he willing to tell Billy? They were dating--sort of?--so he figured he owed the other boy honesty.

“You have to keep it a secret.” Steve said. “And you have to believe me, cause I swear I’m not crazy.” Billy looked skeptical, but nodded. 

 

So Steve told Billy everything. He told him about Will going missing last year, and Steve fighting a demogorgon with Nancy and Jonathan. He told Billy about El, the Upside Down, and the Hawkins National Laboratory. He told Billy about fighting the demodogs, defending the kids and going into the tunnels and saving the world all over again. Before he knew it, Steve was babbling about his break up with Nancy, the way it felt to have to look at her and Jonathan and be happy for them. He talked about the nightmares, and the overwhelming weight of everything he had been through, the way it pushed down on him from all sides and suffocated him. He talked about writing the letters to Dustin and his parents, his reasoning that ending his life would end that unbearable pressure and ease his slow, quiet suffering. 

By the time Steve was done talking, he felt like he wanted to either throw up or pass out. Maybe both. He lit up another cigarette and tried to force back the hysteria bubbling its way up his throat. Billy hadn’t said a single word throughout Steve’s whole tirade. He hadn’t left though, so Steve counted that as something. Small victories, and all that. Billy stood from the chair and Steve felt his heart clench up in panic as the other boy paced back and forth across the pavement.

“Okay.” Billy said after a moment, hands on his hips. “Okay, that...actually kind of explains a lot.”

“What.” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Billy said. “Like this town is just so...weird, you know? I thought it was just cause it’s a small town, but this actually makes more sense. And I knew that Max and her weird friends were up to  _ something _ . And--” He stopped, glancing out at the woods behind the house with an almost apprehensive expression.

“And?” Steve prompted.   
“Well,” Billy said. “I thought it was a dream. Or some kind of weird hallucination from whatever the fuck Max stuck me with. But, that night, I...saw something.”

“What?” Steve felt a little bubble of fear and guilt in his gut. Had they left Billy in danger?

“Yeah, it was one of those...dog...things that you talked about.” Billy said. “Flopped out of the fridge at the Byers’ place. At first I just thought it was a fucked up halloween decoration or something, but when I touched it, it felt too real. So I just left and didn’t think any more about it.” 

Steve just looked at Billy for a minute.

And then Steve laughed. He couldn’t help it. For so long he had been so tired of Nancy and Jonathan never shutting up about the Upside Down, and then along came Billy, who had seen a horrible monster from another dimension and just decided not to think about it anymore. Billy laughed too, throwing his head back and cackling.

“I guess I don’t need to worry about you being able to keep a secret.” Billy chuckled.

“I guess not.” Steve said. He gestured between them. “Does that mean you still want to do this?” 

“Yeah,” Billy said. “Yeah, I think I do. You just became a hell of a lot more interesting, Harrington.”

“Steve,” Steve insisted. “I think if we’re gonna be kissing each other on a regular basis, we should at least be on a first name basis.”

Billy took a step forward between Steve’s spread legs. He reached out and gripped Steve’s chin, tilting it up and looking into Steve’s eyes for a long moment before leaning in close.

“Steve.” Billy purred, his voice a low rumble that sent heat spiraling down Steve’s spine. And then he kissed Steve. Slow, soft, that tongue of his flicking out against Steve’s just right.

“Billy,” Steve gasped out as soon as their lips parted. “Let’s take this inside.”

Billy just smiled, grabbing Steve by the wrist and leading the way into the house.

 

They ended up spending the whole rest of the day holed up in Steve’s living room, watching tv and trading kisses. And most of the next day too. When he woke up Monday morning, Steve realized that he had spent an entire weekend with Billy. He couldn’t keep the goofy smile from his face all morning. He and Billy had talked about how to go about keeping their relationship a secret without settling back into their old violent rivalry. They had agreed that they wouldn’t suddenly start hanging out with each other at lunch, but they would be more friendly towards each other in the halls. Steve had also complained about Billy’s rough sportsmanship, suppressing shivers as the other boy pressed gentle fingers against the bruises on Steve’s legs that he’d put there over the last week. Billy had promised not to push Steve over unless the brunette was absolutely not paying attention. 

Overall, they settled back into the routine that they had held before: casually acknowledging each other at school, hanging out while the kids were at the arcade, working on their project for English class on the weekend. It was all very normal, not counting the secret glances exchanged in the locker room, the heated kisses shared in the Camaro as they parked out at the quarry, the nights spent in between the sheets of Steve’s bed. Even after they had finished their English project, and no longer had an excuse to hang out, they kept at it. Of course, Nancy was suspicious of all the time they were spending together, but Steve managed to avoid her probing questions with a practiced ease. 

The only person who knew the truth behind Billy’s continued presence at Steve’s side was Max. Steve had pulled her aside one day after dropping Dustin off at the Wheelers’. He’d sworn her to secrecy, looking her dead in the eye, and told her that he and Billy were seeing each other. Romantically. 

“I know.” She had said, laughing at his dumbstruck face. “You two aren’t very subtle. But don’t worry, I’m the only one who’s caught on.” She had smiled, patted Steve on the arm, and gone to join the rest of the Party. Steve had smiled too, and then warned Billy that she was too smart for them.

 

The night after graduation, at a party at the Byers’ house, Steve stood next to Billy in front of a bonfire in the backyard. Nancy had objected to the idea of burning all of Steve’s homework from the last year, but the kids had all jumped in with crumpled up assignments of their own, yelling about anarchy and freedom as they tossed papers into the blaze. Steve had let El have his homework so that she could take part in the fun. After the kids and everyone else had gone inside, Steve had pulled two envelopes out of his jacket pocket. He looked at them, fiddling with the corners. Billy leaned up against his side, settling a warm hand against the small of Steve’s back.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Steve said. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He tossed the letters into the fire, leaning into Billy’s embrace and wrapping an arm around the other boy’s waist. As he watched the paper curl up and blacken, he thought about how far he had come in the last three months. He still had nightmares occasionally, and he still wasn’t sure what he was going to do with his future. But standing there, wrapped in the arms of the boy he loved, the sounds of the kids floating out from the backdoor of the house, the ashes of his suicide notes smoldering in the fire, Steve couldn’t help but feel good. He’d gotten through heartbreak, pain, fear of death. And he’d come out the other side. He had his whole life ahead of him, and a whole summer to figure out how he wanted to start it. 

And Billy. Steve had Billy, and he knew that everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I can't believe it's over, haha (I'm like really emotional about it).   
> Over two months of my life has been writing this and I'm so happy for the response I've gotten.   
> This is the first time I've ever publicly posted my writing, and I'm so happy that you all have liked it! I hope to keep writing these boys, since they've come to mean a lot to me.   
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
>  
> 
> As always, you can find my harringrove sideblog on tumblr (@goblin-after-dark)

**Author's Note:**

> This turned into a...slower burn than I was anticipating. Also, I got stuck halfway through the next chapter, so I'm posting this up in the meantime and hoping that it lights a fire under my butt hot enough to make me keep writing, haha.


End file.
